Do you think crying is bad?
Why is my baby crying?
When babies cry, many mothers are heartbroken. They do everything so that the baby just stops crying. Most parents can't hear their babies crying, but some it's far worse. Can't you make your baby cry either? Does his crying hurt your soul or are you already on the verge of desperation because of it? If you've gone through your checklist and still don't know why your baby is still crying, then please read on, because you might find yourself in this text again.
A situation that many parents are often overwhelmed with or did not expect is waking up. We assume that babies who are well rested open their eyes happy and content and when they see us they start chuckling and smiling. But that is not always so. Yes, very often babies (just like us!) Are sleepless, uncomfortable or cranky when they wake up. Some cry every time, that's fine too!
Babies can cry!
All babies cry. Some a little, some more, some a lot. Babies cry particularly often in the first three months and are often more difficult to calm down. This is not a bad thing per se and, as I said, is the case in many families. If your baby is crying, it is important that a caregiver is there and accompanies the child while it cries. It doesn't always have to be mom, especially if it gets too much for her and it causes emotional stress or aggressiveness, it is important to have support.
The advertising would like to suggest it to us, but: Not every baby is always happy and satisfied! Often it is even the case that babies are uncomfortable and start to cry, especially after waking up. Weeping and screaming also increase in the evening. This is completely normal! Think ‘of yourself: Sometimes it's good to let your tears run free. Sometimes there is no other way to calm down. This is also the case with babies, who sometimes cry to relax or let go.
Crying is one of three ways for babies to come into contact with you or the environment. It can kick and kick when it doesn't want something. It can grimace (even very small babies show disgust, for example) and it can whine or cry.
Reasons why your baby is crying
Crying in babies can have many causes. After all, it is the only way for them to express their needs. So first of all, babies cry because they want to show their caregivers: "Hey, I'm here, take care of me!". To help you understand your baby's crying better, there is an opportunity to work with Dunstan Baby Language for the first three to four months. Five reflex sounds can be distinguished that every baby makes. This can be of great help to you, as you can understand earlier and better what your baby needs at the moment.
You can discuss with your pediatrician if there are any pathological reasons for your baby's crying. In other words, is there an illness or is your baby in pain? Once everything has been clarified from this point of view, there are other reasons why your baby cries (a lot). It is important to mention at this point: If your baby cries a lot, it's not your fault.
- Go through the “checklist”: Is the baby hungry, is he tired, does he have a full diaper? Or is the baby too warm or too cold? The best way to check your baby's temperature is to put your hand on his neck.
- Other reasons for babies crying can be boredom or the need for attention. Did you put it down and it's been in the same place for a while? Then crying can mean that they would like to be moved to another position or that they are trying to get in touch with you.
- Is your baby exposed to too many stimuli? Some babies find it difficult to process too many stimuli and are sensitive. Changing too quickly (environment, light, volume) or too many visits to the puerperium can also irritate your baby.
- Is he lacking physical contact or your attention? Even if you have your baby very close to you in a sling, it can happen that it is difficult to calm him down. One reason for this can be your inner tension, which is transmitted to your child. So despite physical contact, it cannot establish proper contact with you.
- Get rid of tension. That's another reason babies cry. It helps them to get rid of inner tension and they can relax. With diaper-free children, it is also the case that they cry just before they do their business. That is also ok and, as I said, is used for relaxation.
- Is your baby stressed? I don't mean to say that there are too many appointments or what else, as an adult, you understand by stress. No, that would be more in the category of “too many stimuli”. By stress I mean here: Did you have a difficult pregnancy? Was the birth particularly fast or, for example, took a long time and then ended in a caesarean section? Are there any conflicts in the partnership / family at home? All of this can (doesn't have to!) Affect your baby and cause him internal stress.
Turn your gaze inward: what does it do to YOU when your baby cries?
Most parents find it at least uncomfortable when the baby cries. The parent's heart cries with them and they want the baby to be fine and calm it down immediately. For some mothers or parents, however, things are a little more complicated. Feeling guilty or failing, becoming aggressive, feeling like a bad mother (father).
If you also have feelings like this and can't hear your baby crying at all, it makes sense to look inward. What do you feel when your baby is crying? How are you doing Often there is more to it than you think. If you can let in these feelings, it can be a very healing process. I want to be honest: this is not something that gets better overnight. It takes time and a lot of care for yourself.
Again, babies are allowed to cry. Because that's how they express their feelings and it's their way of communicating.
Support for you & your baby
If you've gone through the inner checklist and can't find a reason why your baby is crying, be there for him (as far as you can). It is important that you or your partner or another caregiver accompany the baby in his crying. Hold it in your arms, talk to it calmly and explain that it is okay if it cries. It is not alone with it, you are there for your child.
Breath deep. Close your eyes for a moment. Where are you right now and how are you?
If the crying becomes too much for you and you notice how negative feelings rise up in you, then hand your child over to your partner, parents, ... if that is just possible. Are you alone and have no one to support you at the moment? put your child in a safe place (on a blanket on the floor) and leave the room for a moment. You can also scream outside or hit the wall if that is good for you at the moment. Your child won't be harmed if you leave them alone for a moment and for now it's better to let your feelings out.
I am also happy to help you process your feelings and accompany you to cope better with your baby's crying:
Make an appointment with me!
- Bensel, J. (2009). How to understand and reassure your cry baby. Düsseldorf: Oberstebrink Verlag.
- Harms, T. (2018). Don't be afraid of baby tears. Giessen: Psychosozial Verlag.
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