If I am useless, then I am worthless

Feeling worthless, useless, and unloved

I'm brand new here and glad to have found you. Really have trouble putting my feelings into words.
I am 35 years old and have been with my husband for 18 years. He was a loving man who has changed over the years.
His dominant mother broke everything. She always wanted us to part. My husband had to listen to a lot and stand between us, which unfortunately didnâ € ™ t do much. She got me down physically. I was 18 years old when I came into the family, she always told me that I didn't belong to her in the family and that I couldn't offer anything to her son. Always criticized you. turned on stupidly, invented things that didn't happen so that in the end I always get into a fight with my husband. She always did it. My husband can't beat his mother. Today he is 42 years old and cannot give his mother his honest opinion. My husband didn't see love in his family, so he can't give it back to us either. We have 3 daughters with whom he doesn't always get along either. He criticizes the children and micht how he is criticized by his mother. Unfortunately he doesn't see anything
If his mother interferes, he just stops talking to us and ignores us. He always wants you to accept his opinion, if he doesn't, he’s taken aback! That really costs me nerves. I can't tell anyone how angry his mother is either. He forbids me to do that. The woman doesn't care about my children either. It would be my children! Your son will separate you from us soon enough, then I shall see where I am with my bowlers ... she always says.
My husband has become a stranger to me. 4 years ago I broke off contact with my S.monster (the best thing I could ever do). Now she wants contact, my husband wants that too. He always gets it because I no longer bow to her.
I feel very bad. I feel worthless, useless, not loved ... his family gave me this feeling for years. Today I can think more clearly, but I feel very bad. Have panic attacks, anxiety disorders ... my husband is still sitting behind me. As soon as he comes home, I feel uncomfortable ... like, will he complain again or does he make a face again or will he mess with the kids again. That really gets me down. I used to dance to his mood and from his mother, now I don't do it any more, but I feel like in the past. I'm so angry with him and his mother that I can't put into words. I can't enjoy anything anymore as soon as I do something, he complains and spoils everything. I don’t know what to do?
Offered him couple therapy that he declined. He wouldnâ € ™ t have any problems, all of that would be my fantasies. As long as everything goes according to plan, everything is fine. I've gained weight, have trouble sleeping, feel very uncomfortable ... I can't get out of the vicious circle.

I'm sorry, it's gotten a little too long. Unfortunately, I couldn't grasp all of my emotions ... hope you understand me
Mrs. Cloud

26.04.2015 15:07 • • 26.04.2015#1