Should I get upset about turning 50?

Stress was yesterday - today I am relaxed, or at least more relaxed

As you are in your 50s, you may have many new problems, such as difficulty falling asleep or uncontrolled weight gain, but there are also many benefits. For example, you know exactly what is good for you. That's why I just don't get upset about many things that my younger self had to deal with for days. After all, stress is unhealthy and is simply not good for me - and for my hormonal balance, which is already disturbed. And so I've become much calmer in the last few years. At least, most of the time…

My sister-in-law is a patient listener. So she's been listening to me on the phone for quite a while now, as I get upset. Next week I want to celebrate my birthday with my friends. I have just received a rejection from Susanne, one of my closest friends. And I already talked to her about when I wanted to celebrate BEFORE I sent the invitation. I'm not upset about the rejection, but about the reason. She has an event that day, but unfortunately she cannot come. This event is already over at seven (!!!). And - HELLO - I invited “from 6 p.m.”.

I'm pissed. And now I scold like a pipe sparrow: “That can't be true. It's about my birthday. I can at least drop by as a friend, even if I had something else to do during the day. Is that asking too much? What do you have friends for? And I stupid rescheduled an appointment last year so that I could go to her birthday. ... "

Accept things peacefully

When I take a short break (after all, you have to take a breath) I hear the voice of my sister-in-law coming through the receiver very calmly: “Don't try to get upset! I have learned to accept peacefully the things that I cannot change. ”What does“ accept peacefully ”mean here?

I'm just pissed off and how I find my way around! Silence on the line. The silence probably shows my sister-in-law that an explanation is needed here: “You can't change it anyway. And when you get so upset about it, you are only stressing yourself. The rejection certainly has nothing to do with you. Your girlfriend is probably busy with a lot of other topics right now and for some reason overwhelmed with your invitation. We enlightened people around the age of 50 don't get upset about something like that anymore. "

With that she managed to dissipate my anger within a second. And when the smoke clouds have almost completely cleared, my mind also resumes. After all, she is right. If my friend turns me down, she will have her reasons. Maybe I would have wished otherwise and maybe I can be disappointed about it, probably even rightly angry, but it's no use to anyone, least of all to me, if I'm upset about it. On the contrary. First and foremost, it harms ME.

I look thoughtfully after the clouds of smoke and have to laugh. "You're right," I admit. We enlightened people around the age of 50 actually know very well that it doesn't make sense to get upset about other people's actions. And that we only have a limited influence on how others behave. And surely my girlfriend has a really good reason if she's not there for my birthday. Maybe I should just give her a call and ask?

Pity my younger self

Suddenly I realize that a lot has changed for me in terms of being angry. I really can't say that I'm not angry anymore. There are, for example, the speeders who speed through the play street in front of our house at the age of 50. I can get really upset! And you can hear that loudly from time to time. But unlike in the past, I no longer take this anger home with me. As in the phone call with my sister-in-law, I can quickly burn off the clouds of smoke of anger and let them go their way.

If my younger self had got a rejection from a very good friend, it would have dealt with it as follows:

  1. Annoyed about the cancellation
  2. Annoyed about the cancellation
  3. Brooding over the reasons for the cancellation
  4. Annoyed about the cancellation
  5. Brooding over the reasons for the cancellation
  6. Annoyed about the cancellation

Depending on how big the anger was, point 7 to ... We'd better leave it. How much precious life time is lost engaging in such things? When we get angry, when we brood and when we end up stressing ourselves out? When I think about it, I find it incredibly exhausting. Just the thought of spending your time angry and brooding robs me of all my energy. And I feel a little sorry for the younger me who has so many negative thoughts around.


Just let the anger go away

I prefer to get upset for a moment, then let my anger evaporate and concentrate again on the positive things in life. And to be honest: there are plenty of them in my life - praised and tumbled to God. Finally, of the twelve friends I invited, ten accepted. And the other one who canceled is simply not there that day because she is on vacation.

My father could always get really upset about everything: About the fact that someone drove too fast through the street (ha - where did I get that from?), That the garbage collection came too late, that a politician did not tell the truth ( oh dear, what should he be upset about today!) or simply that someone was late.

At one point, after moving out a long time ago, I wondered why he didn't get upset on a certain occasion. When I asked him about it, he just said with a smile: "Oh, you know, I am now milder with age." At that time I couldn't do that much with this sentence, but now I often feel that way myself.

A huge relief

We, around 50 years old, have simply experienced a lot. And made a lot of experiences. Even if we certainly do not know everything and can still learn a lot, we still know a lot more than our younger selves. And we know that there are many things that are simply not worth getting excited about. There can be various reasons for this. Either we know that we can't change something anyway, or we know that something is just not worth worrying about or even getting upset about.

And that is a huge relief. Not getting upset that someone else isn't doing the way we want them to. Not worrying about why a friend hasn't contacted you for weeks. And above all not to think about whether we might have done something wrong ourselves, and that is the reason for the radio silence. Just - as my sister-in-law says - accept things peacefully and accept them for what they are.

In my experience, a lot of problems that I supposedly had in the past can be solved by themselves. I once had a boss who worked on me every day. Everything I did or didn't do, he saw as an attack on himself. That was an incredibly stressful time in my life. I had no solution to this problem and took turns getting angry and worrying about what I had done wrong and what I could do differently to get this problem resolved.


Our lifetime is precious

How much life and how much energy have I wasted on this subject! If I weren't an enlightened woman in my 50s, I'd be upset about it ... And today? Today I realize that I wasn't the reason my boss behaved. I was and am okay as I am. The problem lay with my boss, who, as a narcissistic personality with weak self-confidence, could not help but see all actions around him as an attack on himself.

And surely my friend didn't cancel me because she doesn't want to celebrate my birthday with me. She has been unemployed for a long time and is currently doing retraining. At the same time, she is currently trying more or less successfully to separate from her husband. It was definitely too much for her to come to my birthday after an all-day event.

I say goodbye to my sister-in-law, who assures me once again that she will definitely be there at my party and is also very much looking forward to it. How nice! “I'm happy too!” I reply - now happily again. “Only two canceled, so there are eleven of us.” With a grin, I add: “And if someone cancels, it's your own fault! It should just stay where the pepper grows! "

Eva marriage

Eva is a nutritionist, author and blogger. You will find lots of great tips and recipes on your website:

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