Does your friend check out other girls
Does your boyfriend write to other women? 5 things you should do now
"Who does my friend exchange messages with?"
Many young women worry too much about what their partners are doing on their phones. It's pretty normal to have some level of insecurity, especially if you've been hurt in the past, but there are times when jealousy can become compulsive.
However, sometimes your gut feeling is there for good reason.
Did you find out that your boyfriend is texting with another woman? Did you look over his shoulder and notice that he received a message from another girl? Did you see on his cell phone that he was talking to another woman on the phone? Or are you just very suspicious of his actions?
Sign that he's writing to another woman
If you're worried about your boyfriend texting other women, then there are some clear signs that you can tell from his or her behavior.
He always hides his phone from you.
This is a big sign because it means he is uncomfortable when you check his phone. If you try to find something he'll immediately snap the phone away, or if he shows you a picture on his phone he'll be holding it with both hands. The fact that he's so insecure when you want to take the phone is a sign that something is wrong.
He happens to stop talking to you and starts acting weird.
It is quite worrying if he cancels your plans or if you suddenly stop responding to your messages. This may not mean anything serious, but if this behavior continues, it could be a sign that something is going on.
He always texts with someone when you are together.
If your boyfriend is texting someone every time the two of you hang out, it could mean he is writing to another woman. This type of behavior could be even more evident if he isn't texting you a lot. The fact that he is texting all the time means that he will be able to text you more often, but he simply chooses not to.
He gets nervous when you ask him certain questions.
If he gets nervous and gives you short answers when you ask him what he did last weekend or what his plans are for the rest of the week, it could mean that he is hiding something from you.
5 steps to follow if you think your boyfriend is texting another woman.
If you still think your partner is exchanging messages with other women, here are some steps you should follow:
- Try to find out if he's innocent (or guilty).
- Think about how much you trust his words.
- Think about whether you can forgive him when he is guilty.
- Ask for advice from mutual friends.
- Resist the urge to berate him.
1. Try to find out if he's innocent.
Just because your boyfriend is texting another woman doesn't mean he's cheating on you. If you are unsure who this woman is, it is possible that she could have some kind of family relationship with him. Maybe they are friends or co-workers and they are talking about normal topics.
Since you are the one who invaded his privacy, you have to prove he was doing something wrong. If their messages are harmless, then there is no need to fear the worst.
Just ask him. If you've been together for a long time, you should be able to tell if he's panicking or lying, unless he's very good at screwing your mind. Be honest with him and tell him why you're asking this. Don't get around the bush. Let him know that you feel insecure and that you need some kind of confirmation that he is not sending naked pictures of another woman.
2. Think about how much you trust him.
If your boyfriend told you that his or her letter was completely harmless and you still don't believe him, then that says a lot about you. You can't be in a relationship with someone you don't trust, at least not in one that is really valuable.
If you have to keep looking over your boyfriend's shoulder while he text his friends just to make sure he isn't flirting, then you should worry about what kind of relationship you are in. No matter what you've experienced in the past, paranoia is not normal in a relationship.
If you are jealous because he has previously proven himself unreliable, then you should either trust him or leave him. If the reason for your insecurity is your suspicion, then you need to talk about the problem with your partner and think about possibly seeking outside help so that you can get over this type of toxic mindset.
3. Think about whether you can forgive him if he is guilty.
You can be so busy trying to figure out who your boyfriend is texting to that you forget to think through the whole situation: If your boyfriend really turns out to be flirting with another woman, what are you going to do about it?
Can you really forgive him and continue the relationship as before? Does it depend on how much your boyfriend is flirting with her? Does that even matter? Where do you set the limit
Before you waste too much mental and emotional energy on this situation, ask yourself all of these questions. If you know for sure that you are the kind of person who can't forgive your boyfriend for writing to another girl, is there any point in staying in this relationship at all?
Call your boyfriend and tell him it's over; if you haven't decided whether he is guilty for sending messages to another woman, then this situation will need to be reconsidered. Make up your mind what you are going to do now, because when the moment of argument comes, you may be too emotional to be able to think clearly.
4. Ask mutual friends for advice
If you happened to see the name of the woman he was writing with, you may be able to ask who she is. This could help you get closer to the truth and you may also feel relief if it turns out to be a cousin.
On the other hand, if your friends warn you about your boyfriend and tell you that he is flirting with another woman, then you should take her advice seriously. They can see the situation from a different perspective so they are likely to be more objective than you.
5. Resist the urge to berate him.
No matter what you find out in the end, try to avoid an argument. If your boyfriend wrote to another woman with the intention of cheating on you, then it's time to end the relationship. There is no need to be dramatic. Trying to hurt him will only make things worse, and the sooner you get out of this phase and out of the relationship, the better.
Is there a chance to save the relationship?
If you're not in an open relationship and you find out that he has been dating other women behind your back, it will be hard to rebuild that trust. While some couples can rebuild it, they really are few.
The best thing you can do is get on with your life and try to learn from the relationship. What could you do next time to avoid a relationship with someone who is about to cheat on you?
It might hurt now to realize that someone you trusted has completely humiliated you, but it's better that you found out now than years later. The sooner he shows his true colors, the better. In a way, you could say your friend did you a favor by writing to another woman and getting caught by you ...
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