Why shouldn't I hate a person

Why do we hate

An incomplete answer. From Diana Michl

 


We rigorously reject what we hate. It is far from us, spiritually or actually. Or it should be kind of far away - because who wants to be close to what they reject? Only: the hated touches. Something that is not so important to us, that is really strange or that is really far from us does not produce strong emotions such as hatred or anger. No, hatred is directed towards things and people that are somehow close to you - or even similar, often more than you suspect. So what is it that we hate? A psychological answer: our shadow, a part of ourselves; the parts of the personality that we do not want, that have not been promoted, are not wanted and are therefore repressed or split off, but continue to exist in us in a suppressed and uncultivated manner. Sometimes the downside of our obvious character traits, they are also silent desires, needs, impulses, ideas and values ​​that have not been lived. The more we strengthen and highlight one aspect of our personality, the more forcefully the personality is pushed in a certain direction, the longer its shadow becomes. Since this only exists in the unconscious, it can develop an enormous power and influences our feelings and actions in an uncontrolled manner. What is not allowed to be in us, we hate in others. For this, things and people do not have to embody our shadow, it is often enough if they just remind us of him. Then they become projection surfaces and we impose our unconscious, undesirable parts on them without realizing it. As a result, rejection, hatred and anger can be carried outwards instead of directed internally, which is simpler and more pleasant and does not shake the self-image. Hatred of homosexuals or those who think differently are striking examples: whoever hates them, speaks to their shadow. So you really hate something different from what you think. So hatred and angry, furious rejection come back to you like a boomerang.

Unmasking the real object of hate, however, is like a scavenger hunt through the soul, sometimes lengthy and tricky; It takes an undisguised look, honest, critical examination of yourself. Cultivating proxy hatred, on the other hand, is easy, practical and connects with like-minded people. He does not need any questioning, no laborious self-knowledge, no facts and is a grateful outlet for emotions. Hatred and anger, but also fear, are powerful - sometimes they just need space. And an object that is suitable as a projection surface. You don't want to know too much about the object, because it has to be able to be filled with your own ideas, adequately hated and also feared. But who wants to feel fear right now? Indefinite fear or specific fear, such as an uncertain future? From isolation or poverty of any kind? From politics that pass you by or from feeling strange and wrong in your own home country? In short: fear of the unknown? Fear is oppressive; turning it into anger or hatred makes you strong, and anger is easier to act out. Xenophobia and images of the enemy are very seldom the result of a bad experience with a stranger, but mostly of primal fears or other, more personal, individual fears. Strangers and enemies are then only projection surfaces, their perceived threat remains abstract. But anger, hatred and clear enemy images of course still provide support and orientation in a complex, ever more complicated and faster world. Can there also be a world without it?

Hate as an orientation for good and bad, right and wrong: Sure, there are many other donors. Hatred and anger as a disguised fear: In theory, yes. Fear could also be transformed into another type of powerful, energetic aggression, into productive, grabbing curiosity that fearlessly confronts the perceived danger and questions and questions it. This is possible for open-minded people. But can there be a world without hatred as a rejection of one's own shadow? That seems impossible in theory. To do this, everyone who feels hatred would have to analyze their own psyche. What would be necessary would be an unfiltered, unadorned self-perception, a mercilessly sincere and neutral introspection, critical discussion with suitable, competent interlocutors, with the "hostile" object, resistance to the usual simple answers and to people with the same shadow proportions. The problems begin with the fact that nobody can analyze themselves neutrally and unfiltered, and can (successfully) be treated and not everyone wants to. Not developing a shadow from the outset is also unrealistic, especially since it begins to form very early through education and socialization and can only be controlled by the individual, if at all, late.

Presumably, hatred is part of being human. But when it becomes dangerous, how should you deal with it? Make peace with the hate object? Not that easy, and it also has to be recognized correctly. React the anger in hatred? It would be helpful if anger itself were given more space and legitimacy in society to be lived out harmlessly and not to accumulate. That would at least be a first small step. How about, for example, soft rubber cushions in public places that you can briefly hit, kick or push? Small, healthy lightning rods for spontaneous anger, no matter what. Doesn't hurt anyone, afterwards you feel more relaxed and nobody has to go to the trauma surgeon. The author of this article would have benefited from this herself. Of course, this does not get to the bottom of real hatred, corrects or cures it, and it requires the will to react harmlessly to an intended object instead of, for example, a (supposedly hated) person or the Internet. Even if that does not reach everyone who it helps: As a small support in everyday life, it could take the edge off some anger ... ■

free space #60