How do you like to sleep?

You: Are you already sleeping?

He: Hmmmm ... what?

You: I can not sleep.

Snap

You: I can see that you are awake. Your eyelids are trembling.

He: Are you crazy? Turn off the light!

Snap

You: God, it's stuffy here. You closed the bedroom window again way too early. No oxygen can get in that way.

He: Then just open it up again. Or go into the living room and watch TV. Or read something. (That means: The main thing is that you leave me alone.)

You: Oh no, I just wake up. We could talk a little. (There are people who at night, for some inexplicable reason, have the feeling that they are entitled to a kind of supervised falling asleep - mostly women.)

He: If you don't mind that I sleep with it ...

You: Why are you always tired when I want to talk?

He: Because you always want to talk when I'm tired.

You: But when you're awake you don't have time. Or no desire. Or have to go.

He: What is this supposed to be, a fundamental debate?

You: I recently read that talking in bed is good for a relationship.

He: I honestly can't imagine at the moment. (In other words: At the moment, our relationship is seriously threatened by this conversation. And right now I'd rather be single.)

You: We actually do this far too seldom. Don't you think

He: Could we please continue talking tomorrow? I'm losing consciousness any moment.

You: You see, that's exactly what I mean. You are such an egoist.

He: Now seriously? Who is the egoist here and keeps me awake?

You: Just how you just lie down every time and immediately fall asleep!

He: I am TIRED! Beds were made for tired people.

You: You don't even care if I'm lying awake and brooding in front of myself.

He: I sure care. I just don't notice when I sleep.

You: But I can't fall asleep. Because of the noise you make.

He: Is it now also forbidden to breathe?

You: Do you call that breathing? You snore like a grizzly with a cold! You could also wait until I fell asleep. But no! Turn around and whoosh - start to trumpet.

He: I really would love to wait for you to fall asleep. But for that you would have to stop chattering.

You: You could rub my back, that will keep you awake and calm me down at the same time.

He: Alright (That means: please. Sleep. At last. A.)

You: Hey, don't stop. Hello?

He: What?

You: You snore.

He: How is that supposed to work, I'm pawing!

You: No, you petted one second and snored the next. Mmmmh, nice. Further right! Now more on the left! And, yes, up there between the shoulder blades.

Snap

You: What are you doing there?

He: I need light, otherwise I'll fall asleep.

You: Are you crazy? Now that I was finally asleep? What do you do?

He (packs a blanket and pillow): I have enough. I'm moving into the living room.

You: Wait, I will come with you!