How do I love a jealous man
Tips: You should do this if your friend is extremely jealous
It often starts very charming. Most of us still perceive a slight form of jealousy as a nice compliment. The partner just loves us and shows that we are important to them. But the boundaries between mild jealousy and pathological ones are fluid, warns psychotherapist Dr. Wolfgang Kruger.
If the jealousy increases so much that our partner constantly reproaches us, even if we are only five minutes late, then that is clearly going too far. According to the expert, there are several warning signs for the extreme form of jealousy.
My friend is extremely jealous: recognizing warning signs
According to the expert, there are several warning signs for the extreme form of jealousy:
Warning signal 1: If I approach my partner and explain my behavior to him, he will not be forgiving, but will be offended and will not respond to the efforts at all.
Warning signal 2: Just talking to someone else makes the partner extremely jealous. The response is disproportionate and excessive.
Warning signal 3: When I have to reckon with the partner's jealousy all the time and there are no more times when the partner is not jealous.
The partner's jealousy quickly turns life into hell. At some point you always have the accusations in your head and adjust your own life accordingly. Meetings with friends are canceled, activities alone are avoided - all out of fear that there will be arguments and reproaches again. But that's the wrong way!
"There are five things you have to do," says Dr. Wolfgang Kruger. "The difficult thing, however, is that these points are sometimes contradicting one another." Discover now what these are and what the expert advises us to deal with a jealous partner
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Tip 1: Don't look for a jealous partner
That sounds banal, but it's important: You shouldn't look for a friend with extreme jealousy in the first place. Because the relationship with such a person is exhausting. You have to constantly cultivate the self-confidence of the other in order to alleviate their fears.
Dr. Wolfgang Krüger: "The basic fear of a jealous person is that there is someone else around the next corner and that he himself can be exchanged at will. The partner must therefore be very wasteful with recognition in order to take this fear away from him. This is extremely exhausting and often hardly possible . "
Tip 2: don't give a reason
You should avoid flirting with others and be really faithful so that you don't give your extremely jealous friend any reason to be jealous in the first place.
Dr. Wolfgang Krüger: "To give him security, the partner can do things that astonish the jealous. For example, you can give compliments, write a love letter or tell him what makes him so unique, what he means to you and that you will never find someone who is as great as him. That helps! "
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Tip 3: Don't let yourself be restricted
What you should definitely not do with an extremely jealous friend: allow yourself to be restricted too much! For example, if you start to stop seeing friends out of fear of confrontation, you will end up unhappy.
Dr. Wolfgang Krüger: "In a partnership you have to trust your partner, both can also have secrets. If you have to justify yourself constantly because the other is suspicious, you will end up in an impossible position that will eventually become unbearable and will not work in the long run."
Tip 4: Do not do anything secretly
As a partner to a jealous person, try not to do anything secretly. Extremely jealous people have a warning system that is worse than any intelligence agency. If you secretly meet someone, a jealous partner will find out.
Dr. Wolfgang Krüger: "If the partner is very jealous, I have to assume that they will notice everything. With simple technical tricks you can crack any password and gain access to any computer or mobile phone. Anyone who hides things from them virtually challenges the escalation."
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Tip 5: gun to the chest
If none of that helps, you have to put the gun on your partner's chest: "You are wonderful. But it doesn't work that way. Do therapy or we'll part."
Wolfgang Krüger: "The massive jealousy always has causes in one's own childhood. Someone has experienced that relationships break up overnight, for example because suddenly there was a sibling who was preferred to you. These childhood traumas have to be dealt with. The jealous person has to understand : 'The problem is not with my partner, but with myself. I have to work through that.' And that can only be done through therapy. Your own partner cannot manage it. "
Further reading on the topic:
Dr. Wolfgang Krüger: "Jealousy can turn into love - the healing of an unloved feeling", Kreuz Verlag, ISBN-13: 978-3451611841, € 14.99
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